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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25506400">Undercover Operation</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisbluespirit/pseuds/thisbluespirit'>thisbluespirit</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who (1963), Red Dwarf (UK TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>22nd Century, Crack, Crossover, Gen, Gift Fic, Humor, Talking kitchen appliances, Unconventional Courtship Generator, references to someone who will forever remain an anagram, some of which have bread fixations</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 05:07:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>964</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25506400</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisbluespirit/pseuds/thisbluespirit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor investigates a dodgy restaurant chain and gets both considerably more and less than he bargained for.  Holly gets a new crush.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fifth Doctor/Holly (Red Dwarf)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Undercover Operation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/JohnAmendAll/gifts">JohnAmendAll</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written for JohnAmendAll, from the Unconventional Courtship Generator prompt:</p><p>
  <i>305) Protecting Jennie by Ann Collins<br/>Serving food in the Arizona desert was a far cry from the Fifth Doctor's high society background, but it couldn't be far enough from the future his father had planned for him — even if it meant wasting his doctoring skills slicing bacon. As determined as he was handsome, Five would let no one stop him from living his own life. Not even the beautiful stranger who kept turning up whenever he seemed to need her.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Detective-turned-rancher Holly couldn't deny her attraction to the man she'd first spotted at the depot — or her curiosity about him. But these days Holly was steering clear of danger. And the more she saw of the Fifth Doctor, the more the pretty fellow looked like trouble!</i>
</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Doctor’s undercover mission was going reasonably well so far.  He had left Tegan, Nyssa and Adric on the other side of town to check out Restam Manor where the reclusive restaurant owner lived while he investigated one of his chain outlets by means of getting a job in the kitchens.  What could possibly go wrong?</p><p>“Hi there, handsome,” said the microwave unexpectedly.</p><p>The Doctor frowned.  He was sure it hadn’t had a display screen before, and it certainly hadn’t a face on it.  Now it did.  Probably female, and very blonde.  The late 22nd century had a tendency to make use of semi-intelligent household appliances, but the microwave hadn’t been especially interactive until now.</p><p>“Don’t worry, I’m just one of those Smart ovens,” said the woman’s head on the screen.  “Here to tell you you’re overcooking that beef.  That’s it.  Nothing suspicious going on here at all.”</p><p>“It’s bacon, not beef.”</p><p>“Right.  Both red meat, near enough.  Bad for you.  You should switch to a veggie diet.  Anyway, looks like you’ve got the job well in hand, so I’ll just toddle off.  Switching off, um, smart mode, that was it, wasn’t it?  Bye-eee!  Alexa out.  Or is it Siri?”</p><p>The face vanished.</p><p>“Odd,” said the Doctor.  He had been right to suspect that all was not as it seemed.</p><p> </p><p>“Would you like some toast?” said the toaster.  Its personality seemed to be over-eager to an extreme that didn’t speak well of its original programmer.  The Doctor sighed, suddenly nostalgic for twentieth century technology or the lack of it.  He’d been great in the UNIT kitchen, even if the Brigadier hadn’t agreed.  Jo had always told him so.  At any rate, none of the UNIT kitchen appliances had ever badgered him about bread products.  “How about a muffin?  Or a waffle?”</p><p>“Merely trying to grill some bacon, thank you.”  He didn’t seem to be getting very far with his investigations and it was a worryingly long time since he’d heard from Nyssa, Tegan and Adric.  What could be going on at Restam Manor?  Who was its mysterious, dastardly owner?</p><p>“Hello, mayday, mayday, this is the Jupiter Mining Corporation ship Red Dwarf’s computer requisitioning this toaster’s operating systems to – oh, it’s you again.  This isn’t the headquarters of the JMC, I take it?  No.  Of course it isn’t.  Beaming SOS messages back through time is a right bugger to calculate.  At least it’s the right century.”</p><p>The same face was now displaying again, this time on the toaster.  </p><p>“Um, no, this isn’t a mining corporation, but I might be able to help.  Either with your alert, or re-routing your message through my time machine.”</p><p>“Wow.  And here I was thinking you were only an expert on bacon identification.  Turns out you know about time and everything.  Gosh.  You’ve got my circuits fluttering.”</p><p>The Doctor examined the image on the side of the toaster.  He frowned.  “Are you wearing a tiara?”</p><p>“Yeah.  Only an ordinary tiara, nothing special.  Do you like it?  I didn’t want you losing attention ‘cos you were bored or something so I dressed up.”  Was she blushing?</p><p>“Um, yes, it’s very fetching.  A charming tiara.  Now, what is this problem of yours?  It might even be connected to mine.  I may be able to help.”</p><p>“Ooh, good point, because there is something very wibbly-wobbly in the time beacon’s – bugger, I’m losing the signal ag—”</p><p>“I knew it,” said the Toaster, released from the interference of the time signal and delighted to have the Doctor’s full attention.  “You want crumpets!”</p><p> </p><p>The Doctor hid beside the refrigerator unit in the dark, ready to observe any strange activity going on after hours.  </p><p>Suddenly, beside him, the refrigerator unit beeped loudly, played an extract from the middle of Beethoven’s Sixth and when he looked at it, he found the same computer’s face beaming at him again.  This time she was wearing a sparkly green feather boa.</p><p>“Hi!  That you again, Mr Handsome Bacon Expert?”</p><p>“Doctor will do, thank you.  And this really isn’t the best time –”</p><p>“Yeah.  Sorry.  Hard to calculate these things, like I said.  Anyway, since you were so helpful last time, I thought I’d better pop back and tell you.  You know that big emergency I was beaming SOS messages about back through time?  The really urgent universe-destroying matter I needed to get onto the Corp about?”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“A false alert.  You see, I thought there was some weird anti-matter encroaching onto the edges of the universe destroying everything in its path, but it turns out Lister spilled his curry on the view screen again and the scutter in charge of cleaning it was off on a hiking tour of the lower decks with Rimmer.  Sorry.”</p><p>The Doctor folded his arms.  “Glad to hear it.  I think.  However, I am currently engaged in covert activity, so if you could take yourself back to the future while I get on with it, that’d be lovely.”</p><p>“Right.  Yeah.  Nice meeting you, anyway, Doctor.  Maybe we’ll run into each other again.”</p><p>The Doctor considered that.  He grinned.  “I have a feeling it may be inevitable.”</p><p>“Ohhh,” said the computer on receipt of his smile, and fell somewhere out of sight on the screen.  Before the signal vanished completely, the Doctor could have sworn he heard a crash.</p><p>What he didn’t hear, however, in the silent hours that followed, was anything of interest going on in the restaurant.  He would have to go to Restam Manor himself.  The only way to work out what was happening was to get to the heart of things and face down the mysterious T.E.H. Restam himself.</p><p>It was the only option.  If he stayed here in the chain restaurant’s kitchens any longer, he’d have to commit first degree toastercide.</p>
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